I had a date the other day. From the internet.
Unfortunately, I spaced out of this world and totally forgot about it and I stood up my date. “Well done, Santa,” my self pats my shoulder, “really cool.”
Internet dating. Well, that’s the thing! Sure, we live in the new age of technology and wi-fi and we can now find dates through the worldwide web. I can embrace that concept. But there are two kind of internet dates:
1) set up the date through the internet and meet in person
2) set up the date through the internet and meet through our screens
While I’m okay with the first concept, it’s the second one that baffles me. Isn’t it a little awkward? Just a tad? And if you don’t have a laptop, you’re only taking them to one place: your place. Which is awkward. I always imagine first dates at a restaurant or a coffee shop or the cinema. Heck, even at a supermarket! But at your bedroom through the screen? And how do you compliment her perfume? “I can assume you smell nice”. “Well, I didn’t really shower today, but you can’t tell, can you?”
How do you compliment her dress? “Your torso looks really nice. Can you stand up so that I can look at your arse as well?”
What do you order? “I’m having wine, what about you?” “Ugh… I only have yoghurt left, I think… Let me check.”
There are, of course, the more embarrassing moments… “MUM! Get out, I’m having a date!” “Jerking off to porn is not dating, sweetie!” mum replies.
But, let’s be optimistic. All goes well, you really click and all that jazz… Well, a kiss would be appropriate. What do you do now? Kiss the screen or kiss the camera? Do you grab a little bit of butt? You grab your own and just go with it? What if she’s… liberal and, in a normal situation, she’d invite you over for a cup of coffee? Do you go for cybersex?
I don’t know… Call me traditionalistic if you will, but I think dating is fairly complicated as it is. Adding cyberdating to the mix, it becomes as understandable as women.
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, but I prefer aromatic candles, home-cooked aphrodisiac meal, some soft music in the background and no screen in front of me, but a mirror. You gotta love mirrors.
That’s all I had today for cyberdating. Let’s just hope I won’t bail on my date again. (No, my date wasn’t a mirror; I never forget to date myself).