I’m unemployed right now, but I’m searching for a job. Hire me:
HIRE A FRIEND™
All that searching has tired you?
Are you feeling lonely?
Did you best friend steal the love of your life?
Do not worry any more; I’m here now.
I can be your very own personal friend, be you a boy or a girl.
I can chat on the phone for hours*
I will always like your Facebook stati.
I will always retweet everything you say.
I can text you any time you want me*
I can call your significant other and cover you when you want to cheat them.
I can come by any time you want me to, always with a cup of coffee**
You don’t have to lie to your parents any more that you have tons of friends: now you have me!
I can go shopping for you and even pretend I’m not bored.
I can be your wingman.
I will always put you before my needs.
I don’t lie.
I can keep a secret.
I will never judge you, but will always judge anyone you hate.
I have information on many subjects, so that our conversations will never go dry (or, if I have no idea what you’re talking about, I will always nod).
Nobody’s friendless any more.
I AM HERE NOW.
*calling/texting fees not included
**you will have to pay for that cup of coffee