Yello, imaginary Awedience! Santa here.
Thanksgiving is over and you know what I’m thankful of? That it’s over!
Yes, you heard right. I hate Thanksgiving. We’ll, I do like tasty food, but I like tasty food all year long, so it doesn’t count.
Now it is time for a real holiday: CHRISTMAS!!!
Sure, Christmas isn’t yet around the corner, but some start decorating even before Thanksgiving, so don’t judge me. Besides, I’m Santa, which means that I’m allowed to celebrate it whenever I want!
Here at Killing Smokes, we like to celebrate Christmas differently (and by we I mean me, my elves, and other imaginary creatures and friends); what we do is send presents to me instead of the other way around (yes, you guessed right; I mail gifts to myself. It doesn’t get sadder than that, does it? At least I always get what I wished for! That’s something, innit?)
To all you who think that I’m not real, I’d like to tell you that I do, in fact, exist. Sure, I may not live in the North Pole, but my parents’ basement is as cold.
Also, to all little children sending me their wish lists: grow the fuck up! you’ve all been naughty, you get shit this year.
Okay, that was a tad harsh… Let me rephrase:
Instead of being the little egotistical buttholes that you are, think of the little children on Africa that May or may not get a bottle of water this year.
Also, your daddy pretends to be me. He bought you your present last year as well.
Note to self: sober up then blog.
That’s all for today, folks!